BAMF’s Movie Poster Hall of Fame – ROBO-C.H.I.C.

robo-chic-posterThis poster violates two rules of the Movie Poster Hall of Fame…First, it isn’t an illustrated/painted poster. Second, it isn’t even technically a movie poster, so much as a video release poster. And yet, here it is, because it is superfuckingawesome.

Share Button
Posted in Movie Poster Hall of Fame | Leave a comment

T-Shirt Confidential #9

confidential 1Some people believe you can tell a lot about a person by the shoes they wear. I believe you can tell more about a person by the t-shirts they have worn. This is the story of my life, as told by the t-shirts I have worn.

DCFC0152.JPGOriginally posted as T-Shirt of the Week: WEEK 9 (August 9, 2007)
Journey with me, if you will, back to 1984. I was a sophomore at Madison High School in Portland, Oregon, where Van Halen’s aptly named 1984 was one of the most popular albums and only a handful of my fellow students understood the significance of the year as it related to George Orwell. Ronald Reagan was getting ready to win his second term, beating out former vice president Walter Mondale, who made history by having a woman as his running mate. And while all of this was going on, I was getting ready to turn 16, and trying to figure out how to score with chicks.

Anyone who knows me will tell you that when it comes to the pursuit of poontang, I have come up with some pretty crazy ideas. But it was during my sophomore year that I came up with one of the most ridiculous. Don’t ask me exactly how the idea formed, because it was one of those things that just appeared in mind one afternoon, as if by magic. All I know was that I was sitting around—probably thinking about girls or comic books, since that was all I ever thought about—and it suddenly dawned on me that if I wanted to be around the hottest girls at my school, I would need to be on the volleyball team. Continue reading

Share Button
Posted in T-Shirt Confidential (formerly T-Shirt of the Week) | Tagged | Leave a comment

T-Shirt Confidential #8

confidential 1Some people believe you can tell a lot about a person by the shoes they wear. I believe you can tell more about a person by the t-shirts they have worn. This is the story of my life, as told by the t-shirts I have worn.

DCFC0146.JPGOriginally posted as T-Shirt of the Week: WEEK 8 (August 5, 2007)
Here’s a shirt I haven’t worn in many years, in part because I’ve gotten a bit too husky for it to fit that well, and also because it’s a 50/50 cotton and polyester blend, and I really hate how those feel. But I love the design so much, and there’s such a great story surrounding the shirt, that I can’t get rid of it.

The time was either 1994 or 1995, and although I can’t be sure which year it was, I’m inclined to think it was 1995. Me and one of my best friends—Ron, the guy who’s into chaining girls up and spanking them—drove up to Tacoma, Washington, for a Free Leonard Peltier rally. For those of you that don’t know who Leonard Peltier is, he’s a Native American activist and member of AIM (the American Indian Movement) who is currently serving multiple life sentences for the murder of two FBI agents. During the 1970s AIM was very active in fighting for the rights of Native Americans, including issues dealing with land rights, healthcare and poverty. AIM had become engaged in a deadly conflict with supporters of the U.S. government, which including fellow tribesman, and much of the violence was being played out in South Dakota on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation. During this time there were more murders in Pine Ridge per capita than anywhere else in the United States. On June 26, 1975, members of AIM got into a deadly shootout with two FBI agents. Despite evidence to the contrary, Peltier was convicted of the murders.

Since this column is about t-shirts, I am not going to go on at length about Peltier or his case. If you don’t know anything about this complex subject, I suggest you read the books Agents of Repression and In the Spirit of Crazy Horse. Also check out the documentary Incident at Oglala. All three of these sources can better educate you than I can.

So, Ron and I were in Tacoma for the Peltier rally. Our friends Julie and Dena had joined us for the event. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I had a great time. I had attended similar events in Portland, but this one was different. There were more people, and what felt like a greater sense of community (although maybe that was just my imagination). As it turned out, there was a big powwow going on in Tacoma that day, and some people at the rally invited us. We went to the powwow after the rally, and that’s where I got this shirt. In no way, shape or form does it convey the seriousness of Peltier or his plight, but it does serve as a great reminder of that weekend. For the record: I do have a “Free Peltier” shirt as well.

After the powwow in Tacoma we drove up to Seattle, where Julie and Dena spent the night at the apartment of Gabriel, a mutual friend from college. Ron and I crashed out at the apartment of a chick named Tanya, who interestingly enough lived in the same building as Gabriel, just down the hall from him. Tanya was this hot redhead from Canada who I met when she and her “husband” had been in Portland. Tanya was married to Mike, who was an amateur boxer, so she could stay in the country. I met them one night at a club, when Mike was in town for a fight. Tanya invited me to the fight the next night, and the only reason I went was because I was hoping that somehow we might end up back at the hotel having sex. There was no actual plan for this, just the desire on my part. Unfortunately, Mike got his shoulder fucked up in the fight, and I ended up driving him to the emergency room where I kept Tanya company for several hours. All hope for nookie was left in the ring, where Mike had dislocated his shoulder.

Tanya and I stayed in touch after that, so when Ron and I came up to Seattle, she let us stay with her. At that point in my life I had never met a woman that I wanted to sleep with more than Tanya. Unfortunately, my spine was even less developed than it is now, so it never happened. Of course, during this particular trip she had a boyfriend who simply called himself “X.” This cat was so black he was blue, and he had that harder-than-you stare down so well it almost intimidated me.

At this point it should be noted that I had been up for over thirty hours, and was exhausted. But rather than go to sleep, me and Ron went to some club in Seattle where my friend Daniel’s band Hitting Birth happened to be playing. After that we crossed paths with Tanya and her friends. Even though I was sleep deprived, I was the only the person who was sober, so I ended up driving the group of us back to Tanya’s, where we partied some more. One of her friends was trying to get me to drive her home, and, I suspect, have sex with me. But at that point I had been up for 36 hours, and I couldn’t be sure if this woman was really coming on to me, or if I was just delirious from lack of sleep. So instead of driving this woman to the other side of Seattle, and risk not getting sex as well as being up for another hour or so, I did something I had never done before in my life, I opted out of potential poontang in favor of sleep. I’ve never done it before, and I hope to never do it again.

And that is the story surrounding this shirt.

Share Button
Posted in Random Nonsense, T-Shirt Confidential (formerly T-Shirt of the Week) | Tagged | Leave a comment

BAMF’s Movie Poster Hall of Fame – GONE IN 60 SECONDS

gonein60secondH.B. Halicki’s original Gone in 60 Seconds (not the terrible remake starring Nicholas Cage) is a pretty crappy movie. But you gotta appreciate the poster.

Share Button
Posted in Movie Poster Hall of Fame | Leave a comment

Spaghetti Western Archive – DEATH RIDES A HORSE

This grim tale of vengeance starts when young Bill Mecita witnesses the brutal murder of his family by a group of marauding bandits. An unseen stranger saves Bill from the family’s burning house, and fifteen years later the boy has grown up to be John Philip Law (Golden Voyage of Sinbad). And if you were to guess that Bill has spent the last decade and a half training himself to become a well-oiled killing machine with only one thing on his mind, then you wouldn’t be too far off base. Bill is looking to send the varmints that butchered his family on a one way trip to Boot Hill. But it seems our hero ain’t the only one looking for a little pay back. A gunslinger named Ryan (Van Cleef), fresh out of prison, has a few scores to settle, and his path of revenge crosses with that of our Bill. Will the two men come to see that they can both join together on their murder-happy spree, or will they allow petty differences like blinding hatred and the all consuming need for vengeance to keep them apart? Continue reading

Share Button
Posted in DVD review, SPAGHETTI WESTERN Archive | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

T-Shirt Confidential #7

confidential 2Some people believe you can tell a lot about a person by the shoes they wear. I believe you can tell more about a person by the t-shirts they have worn. This is the story of my life, as told by the t-shirts I have worn.

DCFC0141.JPGOriginally posted as T-Shirt of the Week: WEEK 7 (July 22, 2007)
When I first started publishing BadAzz MoFo as an actual magazine—or excuse me, as a ‘zine—back in the mid 1990s, there were a lot of other publications that were inspiring me. Keep in mind this was before the internet explosion, so if you had something you wanted to say, you were publishing something. In those days a lot of people gathered at the annual Alternative Press Expo (APE), which at the time was in San Jose. That’s where I got to meet a bunch of other publishers, including the guys that put out a magazine called LIFE SUCKS DIE.

This is one of the official LSD shirts, and it was one of my favorite designs. Honestly, I can’t recall if I bought it, or they gave it to me for free. Even though I really like the shirt and the design, I seldom wear this one out in public. Of all the shirts I have ever worn, this one rubs people the wrong way more than any other. The last time I wore this one was the day Ronald Reagan died. Maybe it wasn’t the best choice, but I felt the shirt was making an appropriate anti-authority statement that was in keeping with my celebration of Reagan’s death.

No other shirt has ever instigated so many fights, but this one led to several confrontations. The scenario was always the same. Some jackass would walk up to me and say something like: “What’s up with the shirt, dude?”
I would respond, “Oh, this is a shirt for some magazine called LIFE SUCKS DIE. It’s the only clean shirt I could find.”
JACKASS: “What the fuck? You trying to say cops should kill themselves?”
ME: “ No man, I don’t think cops should kill themselves. In fact, I don’t think anyone should kill themselves. This just happened to be the only clean shirt I could find.”
JACKASS: “What’s your fucking problem, dude? Why do you think cops should kill themselves?”
ME: “Look, I happen to find the design of this shirt to be aesthetically interesting, and I think I may have mentioned that it is my only clean shirt. Granted, the fact that I have no other clean clothes may say something about my character, but seriously, I’m not saying cops should kill themselves.”
JACKASS: “Maybe you should kill yourself.”
ME: “Unless the zombie apocalypse happens, and I’m bitten by a zombie and about to turn into one, I doubt I would ever even consider killing myself.”
JACKASS: “You’re a fucking asshole.”
ME: “You know, your mother and girlfriend both say the same thing about me.”
JACKASS: “I should kick your ass.”
ME: “You can try, but think about how humiliating it will be for you when you have to explain to the emergency room doctors that are removing my shoe from your ass that you got beat down by someone simply because he was to lazy to do his laundry.”

That’s when the jackass stares at me blankly, trying to decide what his next move will be. By now a crowd has gathered wherever this little confrontation is taking place, and everyone is waiting to see what happens next. My friends are waiting anxiously for me to fuck someone up so bad that someone else will need to come fuck them back down. And the wife or girlfriend of the jackass is starting to freak out because she knows some shit is about to go down. That’s when I throw down the final gauntlet. I look at the girlfriend or wife of the jackass and say, “You might want to call 911 now, and tell them your old man is getting beat like he’s a runaway slave, that way they can be here by the time I’m done. Then I can give you the number of a good therapist to help you with the trauma and grief you’ll be processing when this is all over.”

After that, I either wind up slugging it out, or the whole thing blows over. But I got tired of the whole scenario, so I just stopped wearing the shirt in public.

Share Button
Posted in T-Shirt Confidential (formerly T-Shirt of the Week) | Tagged | Leave a comment

Spaghetti Western Archive – A BULLET FOR THE GENERAL

The spaghetti westerns weren’t far along chronologically—although there were already a ton of movies—when the genre began to splinter off into specific sub-genres. In time there would be comedic spaghettis (the most notable being the Trinity films), spaghettis with a touch of horror, and even cross-over spaghettis that brought in Asian elements in the form of samurais and kung fu warriors. But the most important of these spaghetti sub-genres would have to be the politicized westerns. Usually set within the Mexican revolution—or at least something passing itself off as the Mexican revolution—some of the best films within the larger body of spaghetti westerns are found in this particular sub-genre, starting with Damiano Damiani’s brilliant A Bullet for the General. Continue reading

Share Button
Posted in SPAGHETTI WESTERN Archive | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

T-Shirt Confidential #6

confidential 1Some people believe you can tell a lot about a person by the shoes they wear. I believe you can tell more about a person by the t-shirts they have worn. This is the story of my life, as told by the t-shirts I have worn.

DCFC0139.JPGOriginally posted as T-Shirt of the Week: WEEK 6 (July 15, 2007)
There are literally hundreds of t-shirts in the collection—some were bought, some received as presents, others were found or freebies, and a few were borrowed/stolen. And then there were the shirts that were “earned.” These are the shirts I got from doing things like volunteering at some event, and while most of these have no great autobiographical value, this particular shirt is the exception.

This is the most recent addition to the BadAzz MoFo T-Shirt Museum, as I just got it last week (on July 8th [2007]). I got this shirt, along with one other and a sweatshirt, by volunteering to be a camp counselor at the Muscular Dystrophy Association’s summer camp for kids. As you can tell, it is hard to read, but it says, “Around the World in 6 Days. 2007 MDA Summer Camp.” You may also notice the simple line rendering of the graphic is not that bold or exciting (it is a hot air balloon, surrounded by flags, going over a mountain, in case you can’t tell). The shirt is also a 50/50 cotton polyester blend, which I usually reserve for only wearing around the house because they don’t feel as good as 100% cotton, and I don’t like the way they look on me. But I still love this shirt, and plan on wearing it a lot. It will make a good workout shirt, especially because the light green color will show off sweat really well. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I like to wear clothes that show off the sweat when I’m working out. It makes me feel like I’m actually accomplishing something. Fortunately for me, I can work up a sweat just staring at exercise equipment.

It is rare that I can look at a shirt and know that it will have lasting autobiographical value, but this MDA Summer Camp shirt has come along during what is turning out to be a key transitional time in my life. It means more to me than a lot of other shirts because it represents more than many others.

Share Button
Posted in T-Shirt Confidential (formerly T-Shirt of the Week) | Tagged | Leave a comment

BAMF’s Movie Poster Hall of Fame – SLAUGHTER IN SAN FRANCISCO

slaughter_in_san_francisco_posterIt is no secret that I’m not a fan of Chuck Norris. In fact, I haven’t even seen this movie. But the poster is badass.

Share Button
Posted in Movie Poster Hall of Fame | Leave a comment

T-Shirt Confidential #5

confidential 2Some people believe you can tell a lot about a person by the shoes they wear. I believe you can tell more about a person by the t-shirts they have worn. This is the story of my life, as told by the t-shirts I have worn.

DCFC0132.JPGOriginally posted as T-Shirt of the Week: WEEK 5 (July 7, 2007)
People think I’m exaggerating when I tell them that I have so many t-shirts that if I were to wear a different one each day of the week I could go for over a year without doing laundry. I have so many shirts that once a year or so I put a bunch in storage, and break out a whole new rotation. This is when I break out what will be the regular wear for the upcoming year that I rediscover some old gems like this one.

I got this Malcolm X shirt in Los Angeles back in 1997. I was living in LA at the time, working on my blaxploitation documentary. Even though I was working on my film, by and large it was a very unpleasant time in my life. I was really broke at the time, almost all of my money went to food or gas for the car, and as a consequence I almost never went out.

At that time I had gotten to know Leon Mobley, who was the original percussionist for Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals. We met when he played in Portland, and was looking to score some herb. This was back when no one but his mama knew who Ben Harper was, and you could see him and the band in smaller venues without a bunch of smelly hippies doing their stupid Grateful Dead dance.

Leon was also on the PBS series Zoom back in the 1970s when he was a kid. For a while I was talking to Leon about doing music for the documentary. He had invited me out to some of the only cultural events I attended while in LA, including the Malcolm X Festival where I bought this shirt. I don’t remember where the festival was, I just remember it was on a Saturday, it was hot, and I was hungry and broke. For the most part I was living off credit cards in those days (a BIG mistake) and I seldom had cash on me. I remember that I got to the festival, and I was really hungry. I only had a little bit of cash—just enough to get this t-shirt or get some food, but not both. Obviously, I bought the shirt.

What is funny—and by “funny” I mean pathetic—is that until I posed for this picture, I had never worn this shirt. I’ve had the thing in my collection for ten years—TEN YEARS!!!—and I have never worn it! How do I know this? Well, I have a really big head, so big in fact that it stretches out the neck of every t-shirt I have ever worn. The neck on this t-shirt had never been stretched out—it was still a virgin. [NOTE – I haven’t worn the shirt since this post, eight years ago]

Share Button
Posted in T-Shirt Confidential (formerly T-Shirt of the Week) | Tagged | Leave a comment